Best Funny Relationship Jokes

I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid peenis today. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.

Husband: “Honey I think your mum tried to have sex with me last night! ”
Wife: “That’s impossible, she’s on holiday!”
Husband: “Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!”

Q. How do you know when your wife has died?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years, didn’t want to interrupt her.

Why wife loves to role-play in bed. She usually pretends to be a coma patient.