Best Funny General Jokes

Can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

I remember in the old days when instead of selfie sticks people used to have things called friends.

I remember in the old days when people used to get mad if you read their diary. Now people put everything online and get mad when you don’t read it.

I’ve just invented a great new iPhone alarm app. If you press the snooze button 3 times it automatically emails your boss telling them that your gonna be sick.

Just been pulled over by a cop. He said ‘can you identify yourself sir’ so I pulled out a mirror and said ‘yep that’s me!’

If I’m ever on life support unplug me then plug me back in. That usually works.