Best Funny General Jokes

Q. Why was the coffee sad?

A. Because it was depresso

Why is it that when a baby drinks from a bottle and falls asleep everyone thinks it’s cute but when I do it I get arrested at my local bus station and people call me an alcoholic?

Life is like a box of chocolates. If you’re fat it doesn’t last very long.

Apparently when someone messages you a picture of their new baby it’s offensive to send a message back saying “Better luck next time”!

Loving the new mp3 car horn I’ve recently installed. It’s amazing how much quicker people get out of your way when they start hearing gunshots.

The following conversation took place on an airplane.

Son: Daddy im scared what if the plane goes down.
Dad: Don’t worry son your mum is on board and she never goes down.
Son: What?
Dad: I mean just play with your iPad.