Best Funny General Jokes

How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?

Zero. It should be open when she brings it.

That’s the last time I ever use dating websites. When I said I wanted to meet someone positive I didn’t mean HIV.

My neighbor recently received an unexplained head injury while in his garden and had to go to hospital. Luckily his house is only a stones throw away from mine and I was able to find him and call for help.

The problem with twitter is that you always run out of chara-

Four out of five dentists recommended flossing every day.

The other one is out killing lions.

Can’t believe how crap this no more tears shampoo is. I’ve been feeding it to my kid for the past hour and he still hasn’t stopped crying.