Best Funny General Jokes

Just been pulled over by police and tasered after the following conversation…

Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round.
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than EV(**Tasering starts**)AHHHH!

Saw this stunning girl at a bar last night. I got her a drink, walked over to her and then felt my knees go weak and my stomach turn to butterflies. Turns out that I spiked the wrong drink by mistake.

Q. Why do women hold a grudge against you for many years if you call them fat?
A. Because elephants never forget.

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree, which is a plant. Therefore chocolate is a type of salad. The End.

There are four stages in life:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

If god didn’t want women to do all the cooking then why did he put milk and eggs inside them?