Best Funny Surreal Jokes

I really ducking hate autocorrect.

“Let me in or i’m going to punch down your house”
Inventor of knocking, 8000 BC

We only have 2 minutes left before we die… but every time you breath it resets the clock.

Did you hear about the new car that’s been release in Portugal?
It can fit a small child in the boot.
It’s called the Renault McCann

Got a free tattoo on my arm yesterday. All I had to do was accidentally pour boiling water on myself.

Spent the whole of last night sitting in bed thinking about the sun and where it comes from …. and then it dawned on me.